Seattle is likely getting the Sacramento Kings.

WAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!

(Excuse my brief Super Mario impression.)

We are finally getting the NBA back, and I’ll be darned (wanted to use another word there) if the board of governors, or whatever they call themselves, votes against it.

Key Arena: The Sonics soon to be temporary home.

(It doesn’t matter if the Kings weren’t coming to Seattle, they need to make some changes purely from a team standpoint to be successful.)

With the assumption that the Kings are coming to town, let’s take a gander at the Sacra-soon-to-be-Seattle-mento’s roster and see who’s worth keeping and who should be plying his basketball trade somewhere other than the Pacific Northwest next year.

(Side note, I have no idea what will happen with front office and coaching roles. Those are a little trickier to sort out.)

We’ll start in the back court where the Kings need to do a little tidying. The team currently employs Isaiah Thomas, Aaron Brooks (both Seattle-area natives I should point out,) overrated, but underrated Marcus Thornton, brick layer Jimmer Fredette, contractual albatross mini me Francisco Garcia and Tyreke Evans, who by the way happens to be the definition of an enigma.

Thomas is a keeper on a small, exceedingly cap-friendly contract while Brooks may be hung on to due to the fact that he might play like his old self in his hometown.

Thornton has the potential to score in bunches, but probably works best as a sixth or seventh man on a title contender. Garcia has the talent to be a really useful stat-sheet-stuffer off the bench, but his contract makes him a tad bit scary. There could be actual value in keeping Garcia. While a two-year 12 million dollar deal is bad, a one-year six million dollar one is much more friendly. We often see teams acquire an established player for a draft pick, young talent and an expiring contract that generally matches up with the established player. That way the acquiring team gets a future draft pick, a cheap, controllable asset and the chance to clean their hands of the long-term money owed to the established player.

That’s long hand for “large-ish expiring contracts are valuable.”

The Kings’ frontcourt is curious, yet appealing. DeMarcus Cousins has the potential to be the best big man in the entire league. Dwight Howard or no. But, you’ll notice the emphasis on potential. Cousins has to start putting it together to reach the point where he can be.

Knowing that Cousins is a keeper, the rest of the frontcourt, however, might actually follow suit. Thomas Robinson and Jason Thompson are the two players inhabiting the power forward section of el depth chart. Robinson is obviously the long-term choice, but Thompson has a ton of value and potential as a third big man. A role he could like fill and exceed at with nearly any club at this point in time.  Chuck Hayes is the last big on the roster. Hayes is a 6’6 center. Hayes is a 6’6 center. (That was so you don’t have to re-read it. I wrote the second part of the double take for you, aren’t I generous?) Anyways, Hayes has some value in the short term, but in the long term probably isn’t in the teams’ plans.

We’ve discussed the bigs, and we’ve discussed the smalls. Now let’s delve into the one position on the court that should be called “tweener,” the small forward position. There are a good number of cases where teams will play an athletic four-man or a big shooting guard on the wing. Sacramento Seattle, though, has some interesting contracts. James Johnson could be valuable down the road as a back-up tweener who can play both forward spots. A la a fifth big. Nonetheless he is on an expiring contract and might sign for more cash elsewhere. Now we get to the ugly part. John Salmons and Travis Outlaw, while talented, might have the worst collective contracts in the NBA in terms of worth. Both guys are being paid a grand total of 33 million buckaroos over the next three years. Did I mention that they exchange Christmas cards with the Yankees every year?

I’m no GM, but if I were the Sonics’ GM (come on Chris Hansen, the Grizzlies hired Hollinger!!!)(To be fair, Hollinger created a fantastic stat, I have, well you know…) I’d try to unload Salmon’s and Outlaw’s collective contracts. Let Johnson walk and only resign him if his market value doesn’t get absurd in free agency. I’d trade Tyreke Evans (whom I forgot to mention due to the fact that he could bring in a hefty return in a trade. Other teams are apparently mystified with the enigma) for a great return. Sell Fredette’s rights to a Chinese team where he will not only break Quincy Douby’s newly-minted record for points in a game, but also shatter the record for most shots in a game, probably 65. Cut Tyler Honeycutt to open up roster space. Keep around Francisco Garcia until next year’s trade deadline and flip him for a solid return to a team looking to unload money. Keep the All-Seattle Area point guard pairing of Thomas and Brooks. And finally, move Thompson and Thornton to the bench as the team’s respective sixth and seventh men, start Robinson and find a legitimate shooting guard who isn’t on a crap contract.

The Kings are moving to Seattle. The Sonics are coming back. I cannot convey my excitement with another Super Mario Brothers impression, but I can convey my excitement without one. YESSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS!!! Anyways, the Sonics are coming back. I’ll see you there opening night.